Why Crying Shouldn't Be Taboo
Big girls don't cry. Even though you've been doing it since you were born, the older you get, the more complicated crying becomes. Sometimes, though, the most cleansing, healing thing to do is let the tears loose. "Crying slows your breathing and can have a calming effect," explains John Ryder, Ph.D., author of . Here, how to have agoodcry — without letting those tears get the best of you.
Track your tears."Crying forces you to ask yourself questions about what's going on underneath your surface," Ryder explains. When tears seem to spring out of nowhere, play detective and figure out if you're crying because you feel overwhelmed, powerless, criticized, or any other emotion. The better able you are to pinpoint the reasons behind your tears, the less the situation will escalate in your mind. And get specific:I feel frustrated because my computer shut down without savingwill give you perspective in a way thatI feel frustrated because the whole world is against mecan't.
Talk about it."Part of the reason you cry is that you're seeking support," says Ryder. "You're showing that something hurts." So instead of locking yourself in the bathroom, find a sympathetic ear and unleash your feelings. Talking through the issues will help clarify them, and a hug or a smile can go a long way in helping you heal.
Take charge of the tap. Don't want to wear your heart on your sleeve? Before heading into an emotionally stressful situation, concentrate on breathing steadily and relaxing any muscles that seem to be holding tension. Next, Ryder recommends focusing on a memory of a time when you felt strong (when you wowed a boss with a great presentation or crossed a 10K finish line). Finally, tell yourself you're not going to cry. "Self-instruction is powerful, and reminding yourself that you're a strong individual will go a long way toward bolstering you up in the face of a breakdown," Ryder notes. And know that you can always let your emotions out later. Once you've cleared whatever hurdle was making you so anxious, a session on the sofa with a box of tissues may be exactly what you need to put it behind you.
Video: Why we choose suicide | Mark Henick | TEDxToronto
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